In the Moment

Day 3 of the Reverb10 project

December 3 Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year.

 Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

(Author: Ali Edwards)

This was a hard one for me. I tried to think back through my experiences this year and I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head where I really felt ALIVE. I started looking through my 365 photos and several events came to mind. But when I tried to go back and remember how I felt, I noticed that the memories are numb. I can remember the details - the where, why, what, how, etc. But there are only blurs and wisps of emotional memories. This is one of my odd quirks. I have a certain emotional threshold and when it is surpassed, my emotional mind shuts off and I go numb. It happens in the "I never want to forget this times" and it happens in the "I'm so glad I'm going to forget all about this" times. The upside to this quirk is that I can watch the same movie 3 or 4 times and forget how it ends. Justin is always bewildered that I can't remember. 

However, one event in my memory kept coming up for me today. Maybe it's because it wasn't an overwhelming emotional moment, it was just a calm, sweet and tender moment. It happened on a PTI weekend retreat in Kansas. I was alone with my camera walking down an old gravel road. I remember how loud my steps sounded on that road. The air was dusty and dirty. The sky was beautiful with a gorgeous orange sunset and I could make out the silhouette of 2 horses in the pasture. It was so, so quiet and peaceful. I could hear my own breath and it made me not want to walk on that loud gravel and ruin the silence. I looked at the side of the road and noticed a bunch of thorny weeds growing. What caught my eye were the beautiful yellow flowers poking up through those weeds. I suddenly had one of those still moments where I saw myself - rising up out of the weeds - strong and new. I thought of the Anais Nin quote:

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud

 was more painful than the risk it took to blossom"

I remember taking probably 50 shots of those beautiful weeds and the 3 above are my favorites. I wish I could remember the emotional sense of peace and rest that I felt in that moment. I think that maybe this is why photography is so important to me and especially capturing the everyday moments. It makes me slow down and look for the small details in life that are worthy of being honored.