What's Working

Life isn’t always easy. All of the striving and change has caught up with me. My eyes are open now to my patterns and I’m learning to take responsibility for them like I have never done before.

Most of the time I can meditate and stay curious about the surges of anger and grief. Other times, I get sucked in and fall into the dark night of despair and shame.

Last night was one of those nights. I am thankful for my partner and love who stayed by my side and shared his strength with me. I allowed his love in and clung to it to find buoyancy on the dark wave. Like a rope tied around my waist, his love anchored me as I walked into the darkness of my heart. The part that wants to give up and run away.

This morning my spirit feels like the lake the day after fourth of July. Choppy and full of debris. But there is a clearing too. The wakes are pushing the debris to the edges. Things are clear enough now to listen to that healthy part that is so wise and kind. I heard her gentle reminder to focus on WHAT IS WORKING in my life.

So today I’m sharing that list here. To remind me and to give hope to you.

What is working?

Grace and love from my life partner

He stays by my side and shows me grace like I’ve never known.

My body is healthy. I feel strong (especially when I run)

A friend I haven’t spoken to in months randomly sent me a picture of a poppy last night and told me it reminded him of me.

Watching the pages come out of the printer after so many obstacles.

Standing in my bedroom door and feeling the warm morning breeze.

The birds singing and the leaves rustling.

Hot coffee and a granola bar

Soothing touch from my lover. Being held and sustained by his heartbeat in my ear.

Watching the boys bond and mature every single day.

Notes of wisdom on facebook and blogs. My news feed has become a place of grace and a constant reminder to take responsibility for my life.

Building friendships through honesty and mutual support.

Hiking through thousands of heart rocks days before a dark night of the soul. Noticing how many hearts found their way to me in nature last week through my instagram feed. Something made them show up in a BIG way. Something is trying to get my attention.

My physical needs are met. I am well fed, have a roof over my head and a job that provides

My emotional needs are met if I take responsibility, ask for help and allow the support.

The new business venture is in progress. The website is almost done and several events are lined up and ready to go. I have come so far in such a short amount of time.

A new album on spotify that inspires and uplifts me, cracking open my hard armor and adding some wiggle to my morning.

A courageous survivor’s heart that refuses to give up

Freedom in every moment to create the life I want to live

When I forget that fact, a team of support to remind me

Around Here - June edition

Here's what's happening in our little world...

Celebrating: Yesterday we celebrated Father’s Day. I made yummy breakfast burritos with home fries and we enjoyed a family breakfast around the table. I am happy that the boys were able to celebrate at both of their homes yesterday. We have recently changed our custody schedule, so the boys were able to be with their dad in the afternoon and evening.

Hiking: We enjoyed a beautiful hike at Turkey Mountain Saturday afternoon. All of the rain lately has made everything so green! The boys and I did the 1.5 mile hike and I noticed with gratitude the difference in both boys ability. We found a turtle, several hawks and butterflies and a snake on the trail. Good times!

Playing – ALL of the boys in my home have taken up wheeled sports. Dylan, che and Ro spent most evenings skating on the neighborhood streets. And I often find Hayden riding in circles in the garage on his scooter. His latest trick involves big circles with only one hand and foot – FIVE times in a row! Hayden also learned to ride his bike on his own a few weeks ago. I love how we are all getting outside and playing.

Creating – I am deep in website building for Poppy’s Playhouse. Lots of deep breaths and letting go as well. Building this business from scratch is opening up all kinds of opportunities to work on my limiting beliefs. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to learn this stuff and play while I’m doing it. The first party was a blast and I'm looking forward to so many more.

Reading - Conscious Loving is still my book of choice these days. I take it in like bites of cheesecake – rich stuff that deserves to be savored. And slowly but surely I am putting into practice the advice that it offers and seeing rich results.

Practicing – Love everyone and Tell the Truth – this way of being is a direct result of the behaviors I’m practicing from Conscious Loving. It sounds so simple but requires a tremendous amount of vulnerability, courage and TRUST. It is changing my life in the best way possible.

Watching - 22 Jump Street – we took in this movie last night with che and his boys. It is so wrong and hilarious in that really ridiculous and crude way. But I was doubled over laughing and that is always always an awesome thing!

Listening - She & Him – volume one – Che found this album awhile back and I love it. We listen to it often when we work in the art room together.

Eating – quinoa – trying lots of different recipes with it. I’m the only one in the house that likes it, but that’s perfectly fine with me. Just means I don’t have to share.

Buying – a riding mower – I really need a bubba gump hat and a plaid shirt to go with it.

Enjoying – drives on the back road with the windows down and the music up. Love that summer breeze in my hair and holding my hand out the window. Hell yes to Summer!

Training – it is Tulsa Run time again. Courtney and I have started our almost daily lunch runs. I can’t decide if we are providing therapy for our hearts or our bodies. But I sure love that hour of sunshine each day.

Thanks for catching up with me friends. Much love to you!

Summer Bucket List

We sat down together last week after dinner and made our summer bucket list.

This was the first time we’ve done this together as one family.

I think Dylan was a little hesitant at first but once we started talking and laughing everyone pitched in with ideas.

I am sure most of these will happen when we do our staycation in late July, but I’m hoping to sprinkle a few activities each weekend as well.

Our List:

Bowling

Hot Tub

Lots of Projected Movies on the House

Video Game Marathon

Aquarium

Warp Slide to an Alternate Universe – aka – build a waterslide in the backyard

Build a Castle in Tim’s Room

Zoo to see the LionElephantZebraDoodle – Yes!

Movie Marathon Day

Root Beer Floats

Camp Out in the Wildnerness

Homemade Peach Ice Cream

Cherry Chip Cake for my birthday

And Dylan’s choice – sky dive with a tan and pink hair! (love it)

Cheers to summer and sun and fun!