A winding weekend

This weekend was an interesting one. Che and I had planned months ago to do a backpacking trip in the Ozarks. I watched the weather and simply had to say no. It was going to be cold and raining the whole weekend. I knew that I would struggle to find peace in that setting so I made the difficult choice to stay home on my own. Che planned to stick it out with our Sierra club friends anyway.

So I planned out the weekend as a self-care vacation and put my plans into action. I headed to the grocery store Friday evening and bought all of the makings for my favorite healthy meals that no one else enjoys but me – Eggplant Veggie Chili, Cabbage and Sausage and lots of spinach smoothies. I noticed as I walked through the store that an old sadness had returned. I felt a strange mixture of excited and lonely. I put my hand on my heart in the check-out line and took some deep breaths. I talked to my inners and just let it be.

As it turns out my weekend of solitude ended on Saturday morning. I woke to find Che at home. The cold had been too much and his sleeping bag arrangement didn’t work out like he planned. He was disappointed about missing the adventure but we were both thankful to have some free time to spend with just the two of us.

It ended up being such a nice weekend. We took time alone to finish projects around the house and also enjoyed time to shop and watch a movie together. We were able to connect without distraction. Oh how I savor those hour long conversations over a delicious meal and slow weekend mornings.

I also had the pleasure of meeting with Lisa Bain from Joy in the Cause

We met in the little Starbucks at 91st and Yale and even though the shop was hopping with customers I had the wonderful feeling of being centered in a bubble, just the two of us, sharing our stories and dreams with each other. It is rare that you meet someone so full of optimism and compassion. I don’t think it is an accident that our paths have crossed. One of the things she said in passing was a quote her mother used to say.

“What you see if what you’re looking for.”

What a simple way to describe the thoughts that have been swirling in my mind lately.

I am so very clear that life is what we make it. Some days that feels easier than others as we all know. When the wind is knocked out of you and you want to hide it can be difficult to feel grateful to simply be living. The more I stick with self care habits, the easier it is becoming to find equilibrium again though.

Today I am thankful for a weekend full of space and opportunity

I am thankful for a relationship that can ebb and flow with circumstance

I am thankful for new friends that inspire me

I am thankful for the upcoming holiday to visit with extended family and spend quality time with the boys.

I am thankful for breath.. for life.. for laughter and tickle fights.. for the energy that moves within us all.

I Love you my sweet friends


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

When things fall apart

When your heart burns with sadness and fear is thumping in your gut. 

When your shakes give you away.

When happiness makes you sad

What do you do?

What is the next right step when anxiety and overwhelm is blinding you to the path ahead?

Breathe

Say I love you

Over

And

Over

And

Over

Until your heart feels it

Be there for yourself

Take as long as you need 

And just be with it all

Sometimes it's all you can do

Just be and love yourself

And maybe that will begin to open the door in a way that makes the world feel safe again. 

Audio book report

So I downloaded a new audible book last night. I have always loved Amy Poehler on SNL and Parks and Rec.

This morning I listened to the first part of her book on the morning commute. 

She's funny as usual but what I love most is her honest look at creativity. 

The key to creative success is to simply "do the thing" you want to do.

Talking about something is not the thing. The doing is the thing. The way you do the thing, is you just have to do the thing."

Oh I feel this these days. I've been teetering on burnout and trying to keep my spirit afloat through the shifting seasons and growing to do list. 

I know in the end there really is no safe ground where life feels awesome every single day. I do know that when I show up as I am with honesty and grace, things keep moving and growing like I want. Even on hard days there are bright moments and ridiculously funny moments. I'm thankful for that.

Here's to showing up as you and doing the best you can.