September 9, 2012

Seems Like An Awful Waste of Space


 I had the pleasure of watching one of my favorite movies, Contact, with the boys Friday night. A few lines have stuck with me since then and won't stop bouncing around in my head.

"You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other."


"I had an experience... I can't prove it, I can't even explain it, but everything that I know as a human being, everything that I am tells me that it was real! I was given something wonderful, something that changed me forever... A vision of the universe that tells us, undeniably, how tiny, and insignificant and how ... rare, and precious we all are! A vision that tells us that we belong to something that is greater than ourselves, that we are not — that none of us — are alone!"


I find it interesting how much my beliefs about life have changed from the first time I saw this movie. I remember it striking a chord with me back then, but not fully understanding why. Watching again this weekend I see now that it truly reflects what I believe now about life and the universe. I can't explain or prove anything I believe in my heart of hearts to be true. I just know that I have had experiences that have taken me to a place that changed me fundamentally.

One of those experiences happened at a U2 concert. Bono asked the crowd to send up prayers for Aung San Suu Kyi (yes I had to google her name!) who was under political house arrest. The feeling in the stadium shifted dramatically. All of that energy being focused on one thought was noticeable. It was peaceful and full of love. I looked around me and even with the dark night I could literally see a light inside of each person there. I can't explain what happened to me. But it shifted something inside of me and I expanded. That is when my quest for love and connection ignited. 

I have had several other experiences through PTI and other personal work that were as equally soul shifting. But they all come back to one common denominator for me. That life is about love and that we are all really one. We forget that we are the same, from the same and will return to the same. I think if we could feel that and see that more often the world would look completely different. We are not alone and we are all unique and precious pieces of something bigger than our minds can imagine. On nights when I am physically alone these thoughts soothe my soul and bring me peace. Tonight is one of those nights. The boys are tucked in ready for school in the morning and here I sit on the computer. I miss my guy. Life has thrown so much physical distance between us lately. It can't be helped. But just knowing how much I love him and how much he loves me in return really does make the emptiness bearable.


and just a side note....

after watching the movie Hayden looked at me and said

"I know what I want to be when I grow up now.... 
a wormhole driver...." 

I love that kid.

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