It's the little things...

‘… and she loved a boy very, very much– even more than she loved herself.’ 

~Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree

It is Fall Break this week which means more time with the kids. I am amazed each day at the closeness I feel with both boys. They have reached a point of maturity that allows us to "hinge" together easily most days.

My own transformation has also been causing me to pause at the little moments we share and truly absorb the love that lives in our home.
Roland spent the night with his best friend last night so Hayden and I had the evening to ourselves.
It is so rare to get this one on one time anymore.
We had dinner with Linda and Roland. I love watching him tell his stories to other people and then watching him when I tell stories about him.. bragging on what a cool kid he is. He doesn't like that very much. But I can also see beneath the squirm that deep down he really loves it. That it's filling a deep hole inside of him.
After dinner we came home and made banana bread and hot cocoa from scratch.
While it cooked we did our nightly exercise routine together.
We laughed till we cried and my heart nearly exploded with joy.
He asked if he could sleep in my bed with me and of course I obliged.

We snuggled up and watched a few episodes of "how it's made" before drifting off to sleep.
The night was simple but the little details created a bond between us that will last.
The way he kept adjusting the ipad in bed to make sure I could see the screen.
How he scooted right next to me as we did our sit ups on the floor.
And how I didn't scoot up next to him when we went to sleep. He needs his space and I know it.
Listening to his cute little snore and watching him sleep for an hour before I drifted off myself.
Roland and I have had a pretty easy relationship the past few years. We seem to flow together and don't have to work so hard to be with each other.
But last night I saw that the same is true for Hayden. We are finding our way and it is such a beautiful thing.
I read this quote this morning...
"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice."
This is such a powerful reminder for me as I walk through my days.
I know how hard it is to remove an inner voice that is an echo from the past.

I want my words to my children to be full of truth, love and respect.
I know it's not going to happen 100% of the time but I'll do my best and apologize when I mess up.

I also ran across some parenting advice from Leo Babauta on the Zen Habits Blog. . I think it's worthy of repeating and it's the path I hope to take with my own children.

• Greet your child each morning with a smile, a hug, a loving Good Morning! This is how we would all like to be greeted each day.
• Teach your child to make her own breakfast. This starts for most children at around the age of 3 or 4. Teach them progressively to brush their teeth, bathe themselves, clean up their rooms, put away clothes, wash their dishes, make lunch, wash their own clothes, sweep and clean, etc.
• Teaching these skills takes patience. Kids suck at them at first, so you have to show them about a hundred times, but let them try it, correct them, and let them make mistakes. They will gradually learn independence as you will gradually have less work to do caring for them.
• Older children can help younger children — it’s good for them to learn responsibility, it helps the younger children learn from the older ones, and it takes some of the stress off you.
• Read to them often. It’s a wonderful way to bond, to educate, to explore imaginary worlds.
• Build forts with them. Play hide and seek. Shoot each other with Nerf dart guns. Have tea together. Squeeze lemons and make lemonade. Play, often, as play is the essence of childhood. Don’t try to force them to stop playing.
• When your child asks for your attention, grant it.
• Parents need alone time, though. Set certain traditions so that you’ll have time to work on your own, when your child can do things on her own.
• When your child is upset, put yourself in his shoes. Don’t just judge the behavior (yes, crying and screaming isn’t ideal), but the needs behind the behavior. Does he need a hug, or attention, or maybe he’s just tired?
• Model the behavior you want your child to learn. Don’t yell at the child because he was screaming. Don’t get angry at a child for losing his temper. Don’t get mad at a kid who wants to play video games all the time if you’re always on your laptop. Be calm, smile, be kind, go outdoors and be active.
• When a stressful time arises (and it will), learn to deal with it with a smile. Make a joke, turn it into a game, laugh … you’ll teach your child not to take things so seriously, and that life is to be enjoyed. Breathe, walk away if you’ve lost your temper, and come back when you can smile.
• Remember that your child is a gift. She won’t be a child for long, and so your time with her is fleeting. Every moment you can spend with her is a miracle, and you should savor it. Enjoy it to the fullest, and be grateful for that moment.
• Let your child share your interests. Bake cookies together. Sew together. Exercise together. Read together. Work on a website together. Write a blog together.
• Know that when you screw up as a parent, everything will be fine. Forgive yourself. Apologize. Learn from that screw up. In other words, model the behavior you’d like your child to learn whenever he screws up.
• Patiently teach your child the boundaries of behavior. There should be boundaries — what’s acceptable and what’s not. It’s not OK to do things that might harm yourself or others.
• We should treat each other with kindness and respect. Those aren’t things the child learns immediately, so have patience, but set the boundaries. Within those boundaries, allow lots of freedom.
• Give your child some space. Parents too often overschedule their child’s life, with classes and sports and play dates and music and clubs and the like, but it’s a constant source of stress for both child and parent to keep this schedule going. Let the child go outside and play. Free time is necessary. You don’t always have to be by her side either — she needs alone time just as much as you do.
• Exercise to cope with stress. A run in solitude is a lovely thing. Get a massage now and then.
• Take every opportunity to teach kindness and love. It’s the best lesson.
• Kiss your child goodnight. And give thanks for another amazing day with your beautiful, unique, crazy child.