Delicious Ambiguity

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”

― Gilda Radner


This is definitely the lesson I have been learning about life over the past couple of years. My cancer nature wants security.. The sure thing, retirement money saved, a plan, a stable car, a life long love... it wants to know it will be ok and safe forever. Add my unstable upbringing to that cancer nature and you get a massive control freak. Compassion and a desire to be loved by everyone has given that control freak a passive aggressive and unconscious twist as well.

I see those shadows today so I am shining light on them, making them squirm and giving them love.

The truth is I will always be ok. The light will never leave and that is all I need. No matter what trials this life and future lives may hold, I can choose to learn and grow through all of them with the power and love of light to guide and strengthen me.

Today I lay down my controlling nature. I hug my inner baby girl tight and remind her that I will always take care of her. I forgive myself for being so controlling. I see the fear that triggered that behavior and see it not as an excuse but an explanation. I choose to love myself and those around me and accept that things will change.

I know my nature will keep me steady and providing a safe and steady home for the boys. So today I choose to let go of the reigns a bit. I allow life to unfold as it will and trust that I am strong enough to continue to grow no matter what comes my way. I choose to live in this very moment... Grateful to the point of tears for all the gifts in my life. Today I love and I let go of control.