Peace

Signs and Symptoms of Inner Peace by Peace Pilgrim

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences

An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment

A loss of interest in judging other people

A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others

A loss of interest in conflict

A loss of the ability to worry

Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation

Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature

Frequent attacks of smiling (my personal favorite)

me feeling very at peace at Lake Mead

I ran across this list in a book I have been reading. It definitely hit me in that core place that feels like truth. This is where I want to be in life. I have no desire to achieve a certain economic level or climb the corporate ladder. No instead my longing in life is to have this level of deep deep inner peace.

The past few weeks I have been struggling with that place of peace. There seems to be a current shifting inside of me - an uneasiness. It makes me feel spoiled or ungrateful to be dealing with such a deep level unrest when things are actually really good in my life. The boys are incredible and seem to be adjusting better and better each day. I have a good paying job working for a great company. Che is incredible. He respects me, honors my strengths and loves me despite my flaws. And I have amazing friends and family that I know I can count on for anything. But despite all of the good things in my life I still feel like something is off. I have learned over the years that I am what I am and to not judge myself for being so. So I sit with the feelings, listen to my higher self for answers and then do whatever I can to release the emotions that are tiding within. I have also found that when it goes too far and I truly am getting stuck in that place of unrest it really helps to make lists of everything I’m grateful for. I thought it was such a sweet gift of serendipity that I ran across this new project/website called  www.grateful160.com. Each morning I get a text with a sweet note asking me what I am grateful for that day. I text reply my answer back and my answers are stored online in my personal Gratitude Journal. What a lovely concept. I admit that texting is almost my favorite form of communication, so this is perfect for me. I can stick to it and it’s a gentle reminder each day to take a deep breath, focus on the now and be thankful.

Of course I also know that this uneasiness is coming from a place deep inside that needs more healing. I have been spending lots of time meditating and talking with my little poppy. She gets scared, lonely and hopeless and it’s up to me to get her settled. Lately her fears have been wrapped around changes, death and a general sense of boredom. She wants adventure, freedom and security. It’s funny because those three things don’t usually go together. So it’s tricky trying to navigate it all. But I’m doing my best. Taking it a day at a time and following the path I know I have to take right now.