Waking at 10 am was heavenly. It's the first time I've felt rested at waking in months!!
It's strange going about the day with all of the quiet. I am consciously choosing to keep it that way. I hear the cars pass by on the street and the clatter of the toy kitty is chasing about the kitchen. The quiet makes space for peace. It settles my always pumping nervous system and calms me.
I ponder what to do with this day. What does my body and spirit need right now? Joy comes to mind. Joy and laughter and fun. But it also needs release, that is clear too. It needs space to release the pain and grief.
So that's how it goes.. I am making space for both. For it all.
As I cook the eggs and wash the dishes sadness fills me. I crave a hug and that familiar feeling of the one I love pull in close behind me and kiss my neck. I put my arms around myself and squeeze tight for a moment, breathing in that memory. What a gift that I got to have that experience.. Then and now! The tears fall but I am also grateful.
In the next moment I sit at the table to enjoy this breakfast I've made. I look at my plate and start to giggle. I see the ghost of a chicken staring back at me. We exchange glances and then I pluck his eye with my fork. Bwahaha.
Madness or allowing? I don't know really. I think it's just my way of making joy and light out of the space I'm walking through right now. I do believe I can find joy even in hard times. I think it means trusting and having faith in that thing that has my back. Really believing it's there and watching for the little things that remind me.
Like an old affirmation note that falls out of the couch cushion as I sit down to read. I'm amused by the toes on one side that match my own peeking out from under the blanket. I flip it over and again I am thankful for the reminder that I am not alone on this day.
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