Embracing 2013

2012 was a BIG year full of changes, accomplishments, failures, adventures and lessons learned.

The high moments were over the top, pinch me good…

Giving and Receiving Love and Acceptance with Che

Seeing Florence and the Machine in Kansas City and

being 10 rows from Roger Waters and the Wall

Running my first 5k, 10k, 15k and Half Marathon

Backpacking with Che through the Ozark mountains and so many other places too

Selling my first piece of art

Capturing beautiful families and raw powerful emotions with my camera

Hiking and Camping with the boys for the first time and seeing my role as their mother shift as they become older

Manifesting new friendships and then watching them appear before my eyes

Rekindling my love for vinyl records

Releasing emotional and physical shame that I never dreamed possible

And seeing the play that has entered my life as a result.. skinny dipping really is as fun as I thought it could be.

Of course there have been low moments as well…

Insecurity that continues to rise

Battling loneliness

Shadows that suck me into the depths and threaten to snuff out my light

Lost friendships

Guilt and Shame from poor choices

And frustrations with difficult relationships.

But through the roller coaster, I can say 2012 really was one of the best of my life. I feel stronger and more confident, physically, mentally and spiritually. In 2011 I joined the one little word wagon and chose Hope to guide me through. Who knew that would be the year I would get divorced and have to rely on that simple idea to find my way. It guided me and sparked my light to live for myself and for my boys. As 2012 neared Che entered my life and a new focus began. Letting go is what he called it and I let the idea slip into my heart like a missing puzzle piece. I knew I had to step out of the bubble I had been living in for so many years and learn a new way of being - One that allowed me to be simply me with full acceptance. That acceptance continues to be one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

As 2013 approaches I foresee a year that is less about letting go and more about embracing. They are really two sides of the same coin, but I want to focus this year on taking action. On being true and firm in my power to love. I want to embrace the everyday moments that come along with a peace and clarity that will create an easier ride for the journey. I know my emotions will continue to ebb and flow but I hope to find a way to allow them, honor them but not let them rule me. I believe the key is going to be in embracing them along with my inner passengers and shadows. Instead of hiding from the parts of me that I wish I could pretend don’t exist, I will embrace them with love. I will find the gift each one has to offer and make amends for the hurts they have caused in the past. I think everything has led me to this point in the road. Every challenge that I have overcome has given me a little more strength for the journey ahead. I have big dreams and I’m ready to embrace them fully and do what it takes to make them succeed.