Brave night

"Meditation practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away or become something better. It's about befriending who we are already. It starts with being willing to feel what we are going through. It starts with being willing to have a compassionate relationship with the parts of ourselves that we feel are not worthy of existing on the planet. If we are willing through meditation to be mindful not only of what feels comfortable, but also of what pain feels like, if we even aspire to stay awake and open to what we're feeling, to recognize and acknowledge it as best we can in each moment, then something begins to change." Pema Chodron


Staying brave today.

Running my hands along the walls of my heart searching for the light switch.

It's there and I will find it.

But while I look I'm befriending the part of me that lives in this
dark and dreary place.

She looks a lot like someone else I know...

That I have judged for choosing to stay in the dark

I rage against her hopelessness

But can see the same defeat in my own eyes

The overwhelm of generations of hurt and pain left uncleared

I can love all of these reflections without joining them in their gloom

I let go of trying to understand what is happening to me..

why I am in this place

Instead I allow the grief to wash in and out of my heart.

It has no words

Only waves of intense energy

Like a mermaid on the bottom of the sea I watch the waves crash over and over and keep my eye on the moonlit sky above

Once the dark night has passed and the waves are done crashing I will lose this tail and walk on dry land again with the sun on my face

But until I allow myself to be immersed in the waves of that dark and dreary place I will not be able to call this shadow a friend.

The goal is wholeness, not happiness

Though I have hope they will come together in time.

Hand in hand I will walk with her, with us, and we will find joy in the light.