In 2011 I began the practice of choosing a word to focus on for the year. Setting intentions and seeing them through has been a great way to stay focused on the growth and opportunity in my life.
Hope lit my way through 2011 and Letting go became the journey in 2012.
In 2013 I decided to learn the process of embracing. 2013 was a roller coaster year no doubt and learning to embrace each moment was an incredible exercise in growth. I learned to love all of the parts of myself. Blissful moments and heart wrenching grief filled moments were met with the same awe and sense of possibility. I grew from the embrace. That is for sure.
As I enter 2014 I feel a shift to two new words.
Conscious Commitment
conscious
: awake and able to understand what is happening around you
: acting with critical awareness
: aware of something
: knowing that something exists or is happening
: known or felt by yourself
: being concerned or interested
commitment
: a promise to do or give something
: a promise to be loyal to someone or something
: the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something
The Latin word for commitment is, committere, and means, “to gather your energy and move in a chosen direction.” I want to do so with as much clarity and presence as possible.
In its simplest form Conscious Commitment means taking full responsibility for my life.
It is an energetic intention to stay present and grateful and choose to see the possibilities before me instead of feeling victimized by circumstances. It is about making brave bold choices to STAY when the shadow parts of me want to RUN.
Last year I experienced a deep shift when I read this excerpt from Gay Hendricks “Conscious Living” book.
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Whether you realize it or not, you are already demonstrating incredible power to create what you want—in fact, your current life is an example of the incredible power you possess to create, consciously or unconsciously. You might not like all that you have created. You might even refuse to accept that you have created your life through your choices and believe instead that it is something that has been “done to you.” It is true that you may not have consciously chosen many of the elements of your current life; nevertheless, it is your power that has manifested them. You were able to do this because of the power of commitment. The power of commitment has given you all the things that you now have.
In the late 1970s, during an argument with my lover of five years, I suddenly realized that it was not our several-hundredth argument. It was our several-hundredth run-through of the same argument. A light bulb came on and a moment of awareness shined down upon me, and I clearly saw that our arguments always followed the same pattern of misery-producing moves. I stepped back from the process and wondered, “Why would I engage in a pattern like this? Given all the experiences I could be having as a human being, why do I keep repeating the pattern of lying and being lied to, being criticized and criticizing, blaming and being blamed, thinking of myself as a victim?” Then, in a rush of eye-opening realization, I got the answer: These things kept happening because I was committed to being criticized, committed to being betrayed, committed to arguing and lying. I was more committed to them than I was to being close. If I was lonely, it was because I was more committed to being lonely than I was to being connected. The moment I realized what my commitment was, I felt a shift. I did not like this idea very much when I first realized it—in fact, it actually made me angry—but I soon discovered that I was surrounded by the results of my real commitments, and that the circumstances of my life were direct evidence of my real commitments.
It is important not to overestimate the level of your responsibility for the circumstances of your life. Although the present circumstances of your life are direct evidence of your real commitments, you certainly did not cause the situations of your birth, diseases such as cancer or heart disease, or the global conditions of war and poverty. Taking responsibility for the present circumstances of your life in the sense I am using it can never be assigned, it can only be claimed, and the reason it is claimed is that taking responsibility for the circumstances of your life is the key to creating what you really want. Once you take responsibility for the circumstances of your life, you also release the energy you have tied up in old commitments of blame and resentment to fuel your commitment to a new kind of relationship.
Take a moment now to experience what it might be like to claim full responsibility for the circumstances of your life. For just a moment, imagine that if you are unlucky in love, it is because on some level (usually unconscious) you are committed to being unlucky in love. If you are overweight, it is because you are more committed to being overweight than you are to being slender. If you are unhappy with your job, it is because you are more committed to being unhappy in your job than you are to searching for a job that makes you happy.
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After reading this my eyes were opened to a truth deep inside of me. I became aware of the unconscious commitments I had made to suffering. At first I felt angry and denied the words I was reading “Ridiculous!!! How dare you say I want to feel like this” and then as I got really honest with myself the truth rose up. It was easier to suffer, because then I didn’t have to risk anything. I am not disappointed if I expect to suffer.
This year I want to begin the journey to conscious commitment. I want to practice showing up with more awareness and stop running. I no longer want to sit back and accept the suffering and numbness I have manifested in my life. I want to focus on the amazing blessings that surround me instead. I am the creator of my life and the way I experience it is a choice.
I commit to taking full responsibility for the circumstances in my life and I commit to supporting others in taking full responsibility for their lives. I release blaming others and playing the role of victim, villain or hero. I am 100% responsible for what’s occurring in my life.
I commit to an attitude of curiosity and opportunity when dealing with relationships that push my edges. I use difficulties to learn and grow in self-awareness.
I commit to honesty in communication. I speak the truth with love and take care of myself so that others can express themselves with candor.
I commit to acknowledging my feelings and setting boundaries when needed. I express and allow them in healthy ways without covering the uncomfortable spaces with addictive or numbing behaviors. I commit to feeling my feelings all the way through to completion. As they rise, I locate them in my body. Then I breathe, move and vocalize them so they release all the way through. I releaseresisting, judging and apologizing for my feelings, as well as making them someone else’s fault. I release withholding, avoiding, and repressing them, contracting into fear and isolation.
I commit to possibility and abundance. I live from the belief that I have enough of everything—including time, money, love, energy, space and resources
I commit to creating my own safety, happiness, love and approval. I release the idea that others are responsible for these feelings.
I commit to seeing all points of view as truth. The opposite of my understanding is as true as my own.
I commit to gratitude... giving and receiving it lavishly.
I commit to STAY in the moment. In each breath. In bliss, pain, joy, connection, laughter or discomfort. I will stay.
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