See me. Feel me. Know me. And let me do the same for you

See me. Feel me. Know me. And let me do the same for you. 

Isn't that what we all desire? To see and be seen, to understand and be understood.

I search my heart for words. The ache, the pressure surrounding my heart. I want to escape it. But instead I stay with it, notice it and allow the words to fall. I will survive this pain. 

The disappointment, hurt, sorrow, anger rolling in the pit of my stomach. I believe vulnerability is the greatest gift we can share with someone. but when it is handled without care, it is almost impossible to share it again. I have seen this time and time again as both the giver and squasher. It sucks both ways.

Choices have to be made, action taken or I will continue to feel like a victim of this crazy life.

I just find it all so horribly sad. Watching so many people I care about and now myself. Does love really ever last? Or do our own fears and desires destroy that precious gift we have been given?

A friend sends me a beautiful poem she has written about love. I read it and remember when I used to feel the same way. But then the memories old and new of love that has been broken makes me think she is simply naive. She hasn't experienced enough yet to see it usually doesn't really work out the way we hope. Equally sharing each others burdens and joy sounds fantastic but I'm beginning to believe it is a myth. In the end we all carry baggage of past hurts that cover our hearts and don't allow us to give/receive freely. 

I watch so many friends and acquaintances living through the pain of separation of lost love. Fighting their loneliness with distractions and clutching on to the shiny new object relieves the pain for a moment. But then it all comes tumbling back.

I refuse to give up hope though. I know love is still possible in this crazy world. But it requires so much sacrifice from two people that it is rare to find. It requires so much letting go. So much vulnerability it is almost unbearable. But again I refuse to give up hope. Even in the face of realism.  Fall down 300 times stand up 301. Tomorrow is a new day and anything is possible with grace hope love and light. I get to choose and create the world I live in and I choose to make the one where love wins.