Reflecting

It's my last night Chicago. Crashed after class and had deep intense dreams. Decided to go out for a run anyway even though it was late and I'm so glad I did. Sunset along the lake and now I sit on the pier.. Just me the giant moon, the waves and the skyline of Chicago sitting in the background, like a perfect painting backdrop.

This week has been soul expanding. I have made a few connections that I hope continue once I leave this city, but mostly I have spent the time wandering on my own. My gypsy spirit has loved the freedom but my heart is longing for connection again.

It bothers me that our society has such a deep sexual undercurrent. I know it is just how we are made, it's in our DNA and I don't deny that it runs in my veins as well. But it makes trips like this difficult. All I want is to meet some fun and safe people and talk about life and have a few beers. But more times than not I can sense that undercurrent happening in the conversation and in order to be true to what I believe and the man I love I have to cut off the connection and leave. It is a worthy sacrifice but the scenario saddens me. I understand why people have a "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" mentality when they travel. But I honor the part of me that sees the bigger picture and ultimately it's an easy choice to make.

So tonight it's just me and poppy hanging out on the pier taking it all in. Sending love out to everyone back home that we miss so much. Poppy keeps eyeing the ferris wheel and I think she deserves a ride.

This week has shown me that I CAN be alone. I am perfectly capable and can even enjoy the freedom and space it brings. But it's very clear that I am a soul that longs to connect with other souls. And I truly believe that it is a good thing. I feel healthier (in every aspect of my life) now than I have ever been.

I'm proud to be here.. Worked my ass off to get here and there's no going back. Who knows what the rest of the journey will look like for me and my inner girls, but for the first time I feel like I have the ability to take on anything. The future is waiting and I can't wait to go play.