This weekend I attended my first 5 rhythms dance workshop. The entire experience was life changing in subtle and extreme ways. I have been marinating in the memories and even now can barely find the words to explain the transition this experience created.
Thinking back I remember the first time I heard about these workshops. I was married and I stayed home to watch the kids so my husband could go. I saw the profound affect it had on him but I knew I wasn't ready.. Not then. I could barely allow myself to be seen walking to the coffee pot at work much less DANCE in front of perfect strangers.
As I worked through the divorce, I found movement and freedom and release from so much shame. I turned into that "old" lady at the dance clubs shaking my stuff till 2am alongside the young 20 something's. But it was interesting that most of the time I was out dancing, I found my spirit. I often felt completely alone out there, lost in the music and lights and feeling the rhythm in my body. It was exhilarating.
Over time my friend base changed and I have only found dance and movement at home on my own. Usually in my room while I paint or to release pent up emotions. When I saw the flyer for 5 rhythms in Tulsa I immediately signed up and I am so so grateful that I did.
This weekend I found the joy in movement again. The peace that comes from allowing my emotions to rise in my body wherever they feel led and to release them is pure bliss.
Following my feet as they flutter and twitch and RUN into the free spaces is exhilarating. I learned about trust and love and grace and walking through life with PRESENCE. I observed my old patterns of saying yes and no and felt inspired to practice a new bolder and conscious way to do so. I also found a calling to allow myself to go by my given name.... Angela. I haven't used it since I was very young. But somewhere in this experience, it began to ring true as the purest essence of me. When I call myself Angela I feel my divine feminine shine.
So much there to process.. I could go on for miles of blog space!
Besides these great lessons and personal freedoms, the weekend was also a gift in the connection arena. I witnessed and became a part of a tribe of loving, passionate people that inspire me and give me permission to be my full lovey dovey self. I saw women embrace each other with deep hugs and cuddles. My heart lept with some of the hugs I received and gave back in return. I know to some people it would be too much and in the past I would have felt like my personal space boundaries were being crossed big time. But now, now I feel like I'm home. Home with people like myself that can see and value just how important each one of us is on this earth. We truly need each other and I believe we all deserve to feel that beautiful connection of touch and tenderness.
The connections I made will stay with me my entire life, even if I never see them again. I am grateful beyond words for the opening they helped to create in my life. I am in awe of human love and compassion. I see the miracle of how our bodies hold our painful memories, but that they can be released into pure bliss if we will only listen deeply enough. The gratitude I feel for the loving soul that witnessed and guided that release is beyond measure.
As with all openings and blissed out moments, there is always a period of let down after. A deep sigh and pause. In that pause I feel the familiar voices of "you're not good enough" starting to play in my mind. I listen to them and breathe into the light. Reminding myself I deserved every ounce of beauty and connection I received. A deep restlessness rises at the ache I feel without those hugs the past few days. "Will I find my place soon?" Squeaks out from the tiny girl inside. I hold her close and give her the love she needs. I am nurturing myself but also taking steps to reach out and stay connected to this new tribe. I am asking for what I want and saying yes to the opportunity to be in loving community.
In the midst of this experience I also asked for an end to another love. The limbo was too painful. That chapter of my life will always be viewed with gratitude and love. But I am thankful for the ending. I believe it is clearing the way for a new path to form between us, still full of love but with different boundaries.
Today as I went for my normal lunch time run I felt all of this shift swirling inside of me. A giant HELL YES to life filled me as I passed strangers and friends. I stopped for a moment to talk with a stranger on a park bench at the river when my higher voice whispered that he needed some light. It was a short convo.. Only a few minutes. I asked if his heart was in need today without a thought to how strange that must sound coming from a stranger. But with wide eyes he said "yes, I'm waiting to hear back on a job and I'm pretty nervous about it". I smiled and wished him the best. He thanked me for the random act of kindness and I went on my way. I know I can't stop and talk with every soul that crosses my path, but when I'm in this place of DEEP YES, my intuition is clear and I KNOW when I am supposed to do it. It brings me great joy to meet people where they are and surprise them with kindness. Sometimes it's more subtle too, like the lady I danced with as we crossed 6th street together. Both of us with our headphones in, shaking our shoulders a little. I smiled and made eye contact as I ran past her and did a little booty shake, high five. She laughed so loud and started dancing herself. Yep that's the kind of stuff that makes me say HELL YES! It's a little crazy and quirky, but it is my spirit shining bright.
I say Hell Yes to living my life out loud!
Hell Yes to Movement
Hell Yes to Connection
To the divine
To myself
And to others
Hell Yes to Possibility
Hell Yes to Allowing
Hell Yes to endings that make space for new Beginnings
Hell Yes to Receiving
Hell Yes to believing that LIFE IS GOOD!
