Life isn’t always easy. All of the striving and change has caught up with me. My eyes are open now to my patterns and I’m learning to take responsibility for them like I have never done before.
Most of the time I can meditate and stay curious about the surges of anger and grief. Other times, I get sucked in and fall into the dark night of despair and shame.
Last night was one of those nights. I am thankful for my partner and love who stayed by my side and shared his strength with me. I allowed his love in and clung to it to find buoyancy on the dark wave. Like a rope tied around my waist, his love anchored me as I walked into the darkness of my heart. The part that wants to give up and run away.
This morning my spirit feels like the lake the day after fourth of July. Choppy and full of debris. But there is a clearing too. The wakes are pushing the debris to the edges. Things are clear enough now to listen to that healthy part that is so wise and kind. I heard her gentle reminder to focus on WHAT IS WORKING in my life.
So today I’m sharing that list here. To remind me and to give hope to you.
What is working?
Grace and love from my life partner
He stays by my side and shows me grace like I’ve never known.
My body is healthy. I feel strong (especially when I run)
A friend I haven’t spoken to in months randomly sent me a picture of a poppy last night and told me it reminded him of me.
Watching the pages come out of the printer after so many obstacles.
Standing in my bedroom door and feeling the warm morning breeze.
The birds singing and the leaves rustling.
Hot coffee and a granola bar
Soothing touch from my lover. Being held and sustained by his heartbeat in my ear.
Watching the boys bond and mature every single day.
Notes of wisdom on facebook and blogs. My news feed has become a place of grace and a constant reminder to take responsibility for my life.
Building friendships through honesty and mutual support.
Hiking through thousands of heart rocks days before a dark night of the soul. Noticing how many hearts found their way to me in nature last week through my instagram feed. Something made them show up in a BIG way. Something is trying to get my attention.
My physical needs are met. I am well fed, have a roof over my head and a job that provides
My emotional needs are met if I take responsibility, ask for help and allow the support.
The new business venture is in progress. The website is almost done and several events are lined up and ready to go. I have come so far in such a short amount of time.
A new album on spotify that inspires and uplifts me, cracking open my hard armor and adding some wiggle to my morning.
A courageous survivor’s heart that refuses to give up
Freedom in every moment to create the life I want to live
When I forget that fact, a team of support to remind me
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